Not that bad after all …

After a week of analyzing different aspects of my life as an Egyptian girl from a Westernized point of view (In which I grew up ) I realized that having some restrictions isn’t as bad as it seems. People learn to adapt and get used to the rules they grow up in.

My little investigation about the two different way of lives here in Egypt showed how people could live simply and still be happy. Happiness does not really depend on money even though it is easier for people who are wealthy to enjoy more privileges and be more flexible in choosing what they want to do in life.

Concerning how foreigners see us, Arab women, I now believe that applying one’s culture rules and expectations to another isn’t fair to either. Arab women may not have the easiest lot in life, but as a whole, they have many more rights and privileges than outsiders know.

Day 7 – Marriage

Marriage 

Nowadays, most Arab women have the freedom to choose whom they want to marry, but the family (especially families from a low social class) can reject a groom if they believe he’s a bad match for their daughter despite the girl’s opinion and oblige her to marry another man.

Why not pity 

Having the family decide who a girl may or may not marry may seem a bit dictatorial and a negative point. However, the fact remains that the older you are the the more you know and the better decisions you take. By rejecting a marriage proposal, the parents could be saving their daughter from a life of misery or abuse, or even simply helping her to avoid a failed marriage. The possibility of divorce or an unhappy marriage is higher when the new member of the family is not accepted or welcomed by the other members of the family.

Day 6 – Sex and Relationships

Sex and Relationships 

This varies considerably from one family to the other ( depending on the mentality of the parents and where the kids grew up), but the majority of Arab families reject the idea of their daughter having a boyfriend or going on a date. They would also reject the idea of any sexual activities out of wedlock.

Why not pity 

A woman (or man) may only have sex and intimate relations when married, but if the marriage is not successful, the couple can get divorced and they can both marry someone else. This generally is something positive, as it sets basic rules and helps eliminate problems such as not knowing who the father of a child is, and preserves thus the rights of the woman and her child.                                                                                                                              Besides not having sexual relations with any random person makes your partner feel more special.

Day 5 – Legal rights

Legal rights

Most Arab women have a lot of legal right, such as the right to divorce, the right to vote or the right to work ( even if this latest may be rejected by some husbands.). Just like in other countries, some women think that they have enough rights; some think they need more. Feminists all around the globe, including in Arab societies, fought and will keep fighting to earn more rights.

Why not pity

Don’t try to judge what you think is important for women globally, because it varies from one society to another. What is crucial to a foreigner may not be of any importance to an Arab and vice versa.

Day 4 – Family

Family

In the Arab society, family is the most important thing and in most cases the bond is unbreakable. Having a close relationship with family members is very important. It may seem at times, that having a family holds a person back from their dreams or ambitions but fact is that having all the unbearable meddling and all those rules emerge from care, love and sincerity. Providing a secure environment, constant support and unconditional love is what makes having a family a huge benefit. So to those who having a family seems like a limit to freedom, it isn’t true!

Why not pity

Yes … maybe we could do without the meddling sometimes, but you can’t get the good without the bad. The family bond is important to maintain; a greeting card or a phone call every now and then is not enough.

Being around the family provides security in life because you know that no matter what they will always be there when needed. Seeing how your family acts in certain situations will also help you in making your decisions later in life.

Day 3 – Dress code

Dress code

Usually when people picture an Arab woman, she’s veiled and dressed in long black drapery covering her face and all her body. While you can find this image in most Arab countries, it is definitely not the main dress code especially in a certain social class.

In rural areas and low social levels, women tend to wear long loose dresses to cover their body and scarves to cover their hair. Other women from the same area may wear conservative clothes such as pants and a blouse, or a long sleeved top and a long skirt.

In the middle and high level of society, women’s clothes varies from very conservative to very revealing usually depending on the area they live in and their families’ believes and values.

We should however note that after the revolution and with the rise of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, all women, no matter their social level tend to dress in a conservative way to avoid problems and not be provocative.

Why not pity

It is a social thing!

If you go to a nude beach wearing a bikini, you will feel weird and find yourself out of place. It is the same with dress code in Arab countries. For religious or moral reasons, some people choose to wear conservative clothes, while others choose not to, but at the end, it is a personal choice that should be respected.

Day 2 – Work

Work

A lot of Arab women work, even the uneducated and illiterate. It is a fairly common thing in our society. Sometimes it is a personal choice to work; sometimes it is a way to help raise the family’s general income. A large number of women with no education work on farms to help their families, or as nannies and maids, restaurants and in public places. They may even work as traders, selling bread, vegetables and other goods. To these women, working isn’t an earned right but a fact of life. Not working is a luxury.

Middle and upper class women work in many different fields, depending on their educational level, field or study, personal choices or work opportunities. Like all women around the globe, some work simply to earn money and some others to reach a goal and some simply follow their passions.

Why not pity

Arab women have the right to work, as well as the choice to choose whether they want to or not in most cases. ( even a woman from a lower social class is allowed to refuse working and be a housewife even if it won’t really be helpful for the family especially if they have a lot of kids.)

Like women worldwide, work is important to maintain a good way of life, it is in a way the progress of life.

 

1 WORLD. 2 THOUGHTS. Day 1 – Education

After exploring the gaps predominant in Egypt, i decided to broaden a bit more my research and have a look at how foreigners and people from Westernized countries see us, Arab women to underline another gap in the mentalities but this time not in one country but between the Orient and the Occident. 

Throughout my life, I’ve been exposed to many foreigners from various nations, as well as many people from different Arab countries. I may not be a scientist or a sociologist but I am an Arab woman who sees her world and life as not perfect. Many things can be improved and changed in my culture but come on, there is no heaven on earth and being an Arab woman isn’t as bad as it seems.

Here are some facts as I see them and why people from westernized countries shouldn’t pity Arab women.

Everyday, during the coming week, I will be posting a fact about Arab women’s lives and why foreigners shouldn’t pity them especially that at one point they both fought for their independence, their right to be educated, their right to work and the right to dress as they please.

Education

Awareness is constantly increasing about the importance of education and the problem of illiteracy is around the world, as well as Arab countries. There are still many illiterate women in our oriental society, but most of them come from illiterate families in lower classes. They are not being educated due to the economic problems or the lack of importance of education to their family in general, and not because of the gender.

Education is crucially important for the middle and higher classes; the percentage of uneducated women in those classes is probably very small. A lot of women even seek higher education, such as MBA degree or a master in their field, depending on their personal ambition.

Why not pity

If you compare the educational level of Arab women to that of foreign women of the same social level, you will find that it is generally similar. Education is just as important to Arab women as it is to foreigners.

1 Country. 2 Districts.

To finish this sequence about the gaps that are predominant in Egypt, I decided to do a short video (with pictures I took during my little trips to Imbabah and Zamalek) that shows one the one hand Imbabah, one of the poorest districts in Cairo and Zamalek, which is the complete opposite. Having a visual idea of how these two places look like may be easier to show the important differences of mantalities, way of dressing and construction that I have been talking about in the first part of the blog.

1 Country. 2 Cultures. – Interview

Showing a gap on a map is one thing but actually talking to real people in these two districts is a completely different one.

To complete the map I previously attached, I decided to go for an interview with two ladies, one living in Imbabah and the other in Zamalek.

(I of course had to wear a more conservative outfit when I went to Boulaq and have a man (The driver) with me to assure some security.)

          

Mena, 24                                                                  Gylane, 24

They have the same age and live in the same country. Gylane and Menna are two Egyptian girls that at first sight seem pretty ‘normal’ and common people, (despite Menna’s veil) but in reality, they are completely different.

-       What is your status?

Menna: I am married and have two children. Mohammed, he’s four years old, and a girl, Hoda, who’s two.

Gylane: I have a boyfriend who’s my age. We’ve been together for 5 years now.

-       Where do you live and with whom?

Menna: I live in ‘kilo araba w noss’ with my husband’s family. His mother and two sisters, his father passed away a couple of years ago

Gylane: I live with my mother and sister ( my parents got divorced when I was younger)

-       What do you do in life?

Menna: I don’t work at the moment. I have to look after my children. But I used to work when I was younger as I didn’t finish my education to help my family earn some money.

Gylane: I am a marketing manager in Fairmont Heliopolis (A five star hotel)

-       Have you ever traveled?

Menna: I’ve been to Aswan and Luxor once when I was young for a family wedding (cities in Egypt)

Gylane: Yes, I’ve traveled a lot before especially due to my father’s job, as he is a diplomat. I’ve been four years to New York, four years to Paris and then he was sent to Greece and Holland. After that I had to leave the house and go to Canada to accomplish my university degree.

 

After this interview and these simple questions, I can say that despite their common nationality, language, their religion and their age, these two girls are diametrically opposed and different from their physical appearance to their marital status and education and experiences in life.

In Egypt, the gap is not only material, these two ladies are the alive proof that in this country in transition, two mentalities (That are completely contradictory) cohabite. I did not ask anything about religion or politics, to avoid any conflict and make sure that my ‘trip’ to Imbabah is peaceful. However, I am sure that if I had asked the ladies about their opinions the answers were once again going to be absolutely opposed.